Well, I was right: they done sent me to Las Vegas, folks.

The thing about that, though? They sent Almeida with me.

Now, for those of yoos who don’t know, this is Almeida (named after the great Tony Almeida, no less.):

Now, I know what yoos are thinkin’. He’s a big boy, is Almeida. He’s, like, almost as big as ME (note: NO ONE is ACTUALLY as big as me, though). That’s why me n’ Almeida are special friends, if you get my drift, and that’s also why when we pulled up at Las Vegas (which, seriously, is only about 20 minutes from my house, which just goes to show that it REALLY IS a small world after all, people), I was all, “OMG, they’ve booked me n’ Almeida into a hotel for the weekend!” And they had.

I mean, it wasn’t that great, to be honest. Like I said, I’ve been there before, and I totally don’t rate the Las Vegas, I really don’t. This time round I thought I’d picked up some tips from Amber and Terry, so when the guy came round with my dinner I was all, “I’ll have the Grande Buffet, thanks, and so will my man Almeida. Anythin’ he doesn’t eat, the Rubinman’ll take care of, you get me?” But I don’t know why I even bothered because, it was like, they still brought me DOG FOOD?

Anyway, after two nights, my Norma and John turned up and took me home with them and I was like, THANK GOD FOR THAT, MAN. I get treated WAY better at my Norma and John’s house than I do at home, and I get away with more stuff, too. This one time? I snuck under my John’s chair and did me a pee, and - get this: THEY WERE LOOKIN’ RIGHT AT ME WHEN I DID IT! I, like pretended I was just goin’ for a lie down, but really I was doin’ me a pee, and man, how me n’ Almeida laughed after THAT, I’ll tell you!

Anyways, so two weeks go by and suddenly A & T turn up, all santanned and stuff, and - get this - they’re STILL talkin’ about that stupid wedding, which was crazy really because, it’s like, they can keep on talking about, but it still won’t make it interesting, you know what I mean? So, they take me home, and I’m all, “This sucks, I want to go and live with my Norma and John again, they got better sweeties,” but then A & T give me my presents that they brought me back from their “honeymoon” and it’s all OK again because lookit what it is! It’s a blue camel, dudes - a BAMEL! Have YOU got a BAMEL in your life? Didn’t think so.

(They also brought me back something else, but it’s like, I’m still too angry to speak about it, so that’ll haveta wait for another day. Smell yas!)

Rubin.